The Thought of You: Falling for My Grumpy Roommate by Allie Lasky

Author:Allie Lasky [Lasky, Allie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: AES Publishing LLC
Published: 2024-01-14T00:00:00+00:00

18

Sullivan

“You’re pathetic,” my brother informs me, shooting me a dirty look.

“I know.”

After checking my phone four times in five minutes, I’ve given up all pretenses.

“Johanna can take care of herself. She’s not some shy, meek little—”

“I know she’s not,” I snap. “She’s awkward and uncomfortable, so she’s direct, but she’s insecure about that, so she covers it up by being even more brusque, and that kick-starts her entire self-doubt cycle all over again.”

Theo sips his drink. “Wow. You’ve really got a read on her.”

I shrug. “I’ve been paying attention to her for years. Even when nobody else knew, I was keeping an eye on her. Now everyone just knows that.”

“But you’re not, like…” He makes a rude gesture with his hands.

“No. We’re not sleeping together. I want more than that.”

He sighs. “Oh, Billy.”

“Don’t call me Billy,” I snap.

I hate that nickname. It doesn’t bother me as much when my mother uses it. Coming from Theo, though, it feels like a taunt.

Then again, that’s because it usually is. He knows how to get under my skin.

“When are you going to get off your fucking high horse,” Theo snarks back.

I recoil. “The fuck did you just say?”

“You heard me,” my brother snaps. “You told her you have feelings for her and you just—you don’t pursue them?”

“It’s a lot for her right now,” I defend. “She’s still coming to terms with the autistic burnout and the actual ASD itself.”

Theo rolls his eyes. “I think that’s just an excuse.”

“Because I want her to be able to feel comfortable with who she is before we start a romantic relationship?”

“Self-actualization is a pipe dream,” he says.

“But—”

“You can’t put your entire life on hold waiting for her to magically pop up and say, ‘Look, I’m functional, I’m good.’” Theo scoffs. “Jo’s not like that.”

“That’s because she’s masking.”

“Exactly. And you’re going to have to work with her to figure out who she is without the mask. She doesn’t know yet. I don’t think she’s able to separate it.”

“I just don’t want her to be… dependent isn’t the right word,” I explain helplessly. “I don’t want her to use me as a crutch. If something happens between us, and then it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, I don’t want her to be in a worse place than when we started.”

“That’s the risk of love,” Theo shrugs. “As much as we try, we can’t always leave the other person’s heart intact.”

“It’s not about her heart. It’s about her head.”

“And maybe you two can grow together,” he points out. “You don’t have to grow like a vine by yourself. You can do it with the support of a partner, leaning on them, and then thriving in your own right.”

I scrub a hand over my face. “What do you know?”

“I know that I’m in a happy, committed relationship. I’m getting married soon, and you haven’t had a girlfriend since you were in high school,” my brother snaps back. “You don’t let anyone in, you keep them at arm’s length—just like she does.

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